Sunday, August 23, 2015

Somebody Hand Me My Driver!

As much as I love living on the Roan, I am willing to leave to go off on an annual golf trip that has become traditional with Grandfather Don, Tony and me. A week of nothing but golf for the three of us is fun, and oh! so interesting/embarrassing/glorious/ and hilarious for me.
Grandfather Don, who happens to be my ex-husband and a doting grandfather to five awesome grandchildren - but that's a story for another day- graciously started offering me and Tony a golf trip years ago where he pays for the accommodations, always at a wonderful resort. He, as is his gracious way, always insists that Tony and I take the master bedroom ensuite as he settles into a smaller bedroom/bath.
We have taken trips to Crossville, Hilton Head Island, Myrtle Beach and North Carolina over the years. A favorite spot is Banner Elk in the fall when the weather is golf perfect and the leaves are turning many shades of awesome.  From where we stay, the Sugar Mountain Municipal Golf Course is a hop, skip and jump away and we all highly recommend it if you've never golfed there.
Now, I will not hesitate to tell you that golfing with these two nitwits can be challenging at times.
First let me tell you this; the three of us when on the course play Captain's Choice. We have found, on crowded courses in particular, it moves play along faster and we have always liked the concept of team play.
As a rule, Tony and Don tee off first because they both refer to me as 'Saving Grace'. Both of these men have powerful drives. It's like I tell them (often) long and strong is also prone to fairway foibles. I am known for my drive that is usually steady and straight down the fairway.
So after my two partners drive and they have screwed up,  they start calling on 'Saving Grace' to, the scorecard. :-) This rule also applies on the putting green. Neither have scruples when it's time to pull me out of their bag.
Now I mentioned to you earlier that my trips with these two can be embarrassing? Want an example?
Don, Tony,  and I were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of us while playing at a favorite course in Crossville, TN.  Tony fumed, "What's with those guys? We have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" Don chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" I said, "I see the ranger's cart headed toward us. Let me ask him if he knows what’s up." 

"Sir, is there a problem with that group ahead of us? They are playing rather slowly, aren't they?" The ranger replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free any time." Don, Tony and I fell silent for a moment. I, being the compassionate one in the group, moaned with remorse. "Oh my goodness! I feel terrible about being so impatient." 
Don and Tony then both, almost in unison, declared, "Why can't they play at night?"

And then there was the time the three of us had arrived early on the putting green at a course at Hilton Head and Don, seeming a little concerned, said he had received a disturbing call the night before. With a little hesitation he asked if, when we returned back to the Tri-Cities, he could come up to the Roan and stay in Jakes Cabin for a few days.
Tony and I immediately responded, of course! He was family and was always welcome and he knew that. But, being the nosy rosy I am, I asked if he was going to start on that novel he needs to write as Jakes is the perfect writer's haven. Nestled deep in the woods with a stream running by; moss growing on her roof (Jakes was named after a woman), a fireplace continually laid waiting on its match, she simply needs someone to come settle in and write a best seller.
"No", Don replied. I may need a place to lay low for a couple of days."
"Why?", I asked, feeling slightly alarmed.
"Well, about a month ago I started seeing a younger woman."
I immediately began to get a little more apprehensive. Since my divorce from Don and my family's continued incorporation of him as part of our family as a (still) wonderful grandfather, I had become very fond him in a big brother role with all the protective emotions that sisters have of their brothers. His seeing a 'younger' woman was fine but surely he was not seeing a woman inappropriately young?  Don continued on.
"It ended kind of badly last weekend and I am not seeing her anymore."
"Don, how did this relationship end?" I asked with trepidation.
"Well, someone reported me and they came and took my binoculars ways."
Tony and Don both killed over laughing. 
I ran to my golf bag to grab my club them both with it!


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